Citrus - Inner Confessions
by Renegade Wanderer
Summary: This a novelization of the Summer Festival chapters of Citrus. I added additional thoughts and dialogue to expand the story and go along with my description style. The perspective if Yuzu as well as Mei. I feel this piece came out better than I had expected. Was randomly inspired to write last year and this is the updated version. Enjoy!
1. Prologue

Prologue

_A festival...which means... We could have a nighttime date...!_

It was almost too good to be true. In fact, it was so amazing, Yuzu's mind couldn't stop but imagining worst case scenarios. She wasn't a negative person, but she was cautious, especially after the last year. It had been so different from any of the other years of Yuzu's life that she even questioned herself if it was really happening.

Yuzu remembered how it had all started and how different her original ideas and plans were for the upcoming year. She remembered hanging out with her girlfriends chatting about life, fashion, shopping, boys, and the great things about being a high school teenager. Specifically _boys_. What high school girl didn't like boys and the prospects of being in a relationship, having a young man defend you, going out on dates, the hand holding, and kissing.

_Yes!_ Yuzu remembered how focused she had been about how magical and wonderful kissing _had_ to be. It couldn't be something without emotion and reason. Just like in all those romance novels and manga Yuzu had begun reading since puberty. It just had to be all about..._feelings_.

_How naive I was..._

At least that's not how it started. Emotions were a part of kissing and intimacy, but it also could be nothing more than just a kiss. Even intimacy could just be sex. It was how a person chose to feel in those moments of expression. It was how that person thought of the other and vise versa. There was even a term for one having feelings for someone that would never be returned. It was called unrequited love. But that's not what had happened to Yuzu. What had happened in this last year was so different and yet so unique. Which is why Yuzu had been so conflicted, even up to this present moment.

Yuzu's mother had remarried and major changes in life came with it. A new place to live, a new school, and a new or rather addition to the family. However, Yuzu hadn't had the chance to meet her new stepfather when this new life had begun. Yuzu did get to see her new home, an apartment in a well established and well respected area of the town. Yuzu's mother—Ume—worked at a construction site of all places. But she was much stronger and capable than from her simple appearance. And she was more than simple. Ume had been the only parent Yuzu could look up to and revere as she grew up because of the misfortune of her father's death.

The worst part was that Yuzu missed out on what many kids experienced, no father figure. And there had been challenging days throughout her young life. To not have a protective father to make sure the right boy would enter her life and mature into the man she would need when of age. To enjoy father-daughter explicit activities and outings. To one day be given away at her wedding. To one day become a grandfather to her future children. These are great things and some women dreamed of such things—among many other life experiences.

But despite all of this, Yuzu still loved her late father and continued to visit his grave out of respect for him. She knew him from only what her mother shared as well as by reputation. One thing Yuzu knew and loved was that he had blond hair. And at a young age Yuzu bleached her own hair out of respect and in memory of her deceased father. It was more than just a hair color, more than just helping Yuzu stand out and be unique. Her hair was a symbol of her love and respect, not just for her father, but her mother. That was why Yuzu had been so concerned about her mother remarrying. She wasn't opposed to it. She wasn't angry. She was concerned. But as she had told her mother, _"As long as you're happy."_

That was one of the most important meanings of life: happiness. It was why people did what they did, to find and have this happiness. To feel good about life, to do something that fulfilled and gave people the sense of accomplishment. Work could bring happiness, education, travel, having good relationships with friends and family. Many things caused happiness for different kinds of people that existed in the world. And if being married made Yuzu's mother happy and brought meaning to Ume's life, than Yuzu was supportive. It even made Yuzu happy that her mother was happy.

But what struck Yuzu the most about her new life were two specific things that were interconnected: a new school and a stepsister. Yuzu was used to the typical public schools where kids got to choose what they wear, what they look like, and express their interests outwardly. Yuzu had enjoyed dressing up to look pretty and stylish as well as apply makeup to enhance her natural beauty. Even though she had never truly had a boyfriend or had been in a serious relationship, that didn't mean she had never been noticed. Yuzu was one of those girls that stood out so much it was hard not to notice her. But not just any boy would be suited for Yuzu. Some boys felt they weren't good enough for Yuzu. That was one scenario that Yuzu had come up with. But she had only been sixteen years old when attending her first year at this new school. Yuzu was still young and had plenty of time to be in a relationship and until that happened, Yuzu had been in the mindset of enjoying being a teenage high school girl. But her plans and ideas had been turned upside down. Anything Yuzu had imagined to happen in this year of her new life was far from her reality.

The last new thing in Yuzu's life is how she had come to the present moment she stood. Yuzu had been an only child and that made having a stepsister a unique experience. And one she had not been able to prepare herself for.

When she arrived at the new school she was immediately attacked because of her appearance. It had been a shock after all the time and work it had taken to put the ensemble all together. She hadn't just thrown anything on. Yuzu had wanted to look her best, for herself, the school, and the other students. But that was the second shock: _an all girl's school!_

_No boys!_ Yuzu could have cried right then and there. But she continued to be scolded that all she could do was defend against such a bombardment of judgments. That was when the third shock had come: the student council president of the school known as Aihara Academy. It was also her new identity, Yuzu Aihara. But it had all been so new and come so quickly it was like whiplash. Yuzu was amazed she had kept it together so well.

And this student council president appeared as expected: serious, strict, stood stiffly, and possessed a hard, cold stare that seemed to see through anything and everything. It was terrifying as well as amusing. This girl was everything Yuzu wasn't. This girl was the antithesis of what Yuzu represented. Polar opposites. And it was this realization that gave Yuzu the strength to form a grin and step right up to the student council president. But that was when the fourth and ultimate shocking event happened.

After being lectured about how appearance affected studies and the future of students, Yuzu was suddenly engulfed by this girl. At first Yuzu thought she was imagining it, but the sensations couldn't be denied. One moment she was standing her ground and the next she felt a hand probing her body. It had reached behind her, slowly caressing down her spine and across her rear. It was so shocking Yuzu couldn't move, but was surprised she could think. She had no idea what was happening, but her mind became like a whirlwind from dozens of emotions and thoughts. Not ever had Yuzu been touched like this, by anyone. Not ever had Yuzu felt her body freeze over and yet feel warm at the same time. The hand had touched skin, which were connected to nerves that lead all the way throughout her body and up into her brain. Synapses were firing, like fireworks, sending chemical responses from the stimuli that had caused this.

The hand finally came to a stop, at a pocket in Yuzu's jacket that was tied to her waist and hung down lower than her hiked up school uniform skirt. And as quickly as it had started, it was over. The hand had found its intended target: Yuzu's cell phone.

The student council president was already walking away. Yuzu couldn't even react to losing her phone—one of the most important devices that played such a huge role in her life. Her legs had lost the strength to hold herself up and Yuzu found herself up close and personal with the pavement. Her arms instinctively reached out to brace her fall and she was thankful for this. But she was still in shock as her mind played the event over and over.

_What the hell just happened!_ But what was worse is she hadn't just felt violated, it had been mixed with a twisted sense of pleasure. All the time imagining and daydreaming what having a boyfriend would be like kept flashing in her mind. The way she had been touched was partly how she imagined a boy holding and caressing her. It sent a shiver down her spine. And in that moment Yuzu could finally move.

But even after surviving the day, once she returned to her new home, Yuzu had come face to face with her new stepsister. And she was none other than the Aihara Academy's student council president!

How Yuzu had not collapsed from so much shock that had piled upon her in just that one day, she still couldn't explain. Looking back on those early moments Yuzu felt both amused and surprised.

_And unfortunately it didn't stop there,_ Yuzu reminded herself.

Prior to learning her stepsister was the student council president, she had accidently saw the strict girl being somewhat forced upon by an older man who was a young teacher. However, the girl barely reacted to anything that it was hard to tell what had really happened. Yuzu wondered if perhaps the girl wasn't human, but a robot. Yuzu just couldn't understand how a high school girl could appear and act so emotionless, so lacking in basic human characteristics. Yuzu had rushed away as quickly as possible, but not before being seen and locking gazes for the longest—most uncomfortable—moment with the student council president.

Fear and anxiety filled Yuzu's entire being and yet she still managed to muster up strength to dash throughout the school grounds, all the while her mind flooded with images of the secret make out session as well as her earlier semi-assault.

Again, thinking back to those days, Yuzu was amazed that she hadn't just fallen over and sunk into a coma from sheer shock of it all. And once safe at home, and though uncomfortable with a new stepsister, Yuzu remembered thinking, _Things can't possibly get worse._

Oh how wrong she was. Even after everything, even after all that had happened in just that one day, there was something that couldn't just top it, but blew everything out of the water and possible deep into the farthest reaches of this planet. Her stepsister—also known as Mei Aihara—in an attempt to get Yuzu quiet, forced herself upon the innocent sixteen-year old who had never had a boyfriend and had never experienced physical sensations, stole Yuzu's first kiss. And like earlier, it had ended as quickly as it had begun. But unlike earlier, Yuzu felt like she couldn't go on. Her body wasn't just frozen, she realized that everything had changed in that single moment.

_The student council president of my new school, my stepsister, the daughter of a highly reputable family just forced herself on me and all she could say was,_ _"That's what it was like."_

And also walked away as if something insignificant had happened. As if nothing but words had passed from both of their lips. And yet words couldn't completely describe what had happened or what Yuzu was feeling. She barely knew what she herself was feeling.

_How! Why?_

And that was how it had all started. Yuzu couldn't explain what had happened or why. And she also couldn't explain what had continued between her stepsister and herself. But they had grown close. Closer than either of them imagined, closer than was thought possible, and possibly closer than was accepted among society. And for a time that had caused so much conflict and pain. But finally—at least for Yuzu—she had come to a place that all that mattered to her now was her and her stepsister's happiness.

_Just as I told my own mother that her happiness was the most important to me for her, so also does it apply to my stepsister and I. Even if we have to keep it a secret! I don't know what the future holds for she and I. But for right now the journey is the most important. Anything could happen, but nothing will if we don't at least try! I can't explain why I feel as I do, but I owe it to Mei, as her family, as the big sister, and as something else... to give her the love I feel she needs! This isn't about what we deserve, because to be honest, I don't know who deserves what. I only hope I never let her down. That would be my ultimate failure..._


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter I

_A festival...which means... We could have a nighttime date...!_

The entire last year replayed in Yuzu's mind and it was almost like reliving it. And it caused so many emotions that it started to replay itself again. Yuzu wished she could share this time of reflection with her sister. Their mother was in the kitchen. She was looking for or fiddling with something. "Mei, why don't we–"

But then she saw Mei already facing her. There were a pair of chopsticks holding a chunk of meat with noodles wrapped and hanging loose around it. "Open your mouth."

"Huh?" Yuzu's gaze shifted from the food to Mei. She was completely caught off guard by this, all the while the past replaying itself in her mind and hearing her mother's voice faintly in the background. And when Yuzu realized, yet another thing had been piled onto her large mental plate.

_Why is Mei doing this? Now of all times! And with mother just ahead. All she has to do is turn around and she'll see this. Granted, mother probably won't automatically think we're being romantic, but still..._

And at the same time Yuzu couldn't help but notice the expression on Mei's face. Although normally blank or highly focused, whenever they were together emotions were breaking through her serious, stoic exterior. Right now her face was turning sad, just like all those other times. And as much as Yuzu was fond of certain qualities, she didn't like how Mei expected quick, systematic responses. How many times did Mei instigate something and if Yuzu didn't react—and in the right way—Mei would change her mind? It sent confusing signals that was driving Yuzu insane. And yet, she was determined to develop and maintain some type of relationship with her stepsister.

Yuzu—realizing enough seconds had passed, and also keeping in mind their mother could return to the table at any moment—opened wide and accepted the offered bite. The sad expression turned to surprise and possibly happiness in Mei's purple gemlike eyes. But it was short lived as she quickly turned away when mother cried out something exciting and returned to the dining table.

And even when mother specifically addressed her in a comment about something, Yuzu was able to find contentment as she continued to chew on the bite Mei had offered. In fact, part of Yuzu wished they could feed each other.

_Maybe the next time it's just the two of us..._

And like before, that wasn't the only surprise that day. Shortly after finishing dinner and cleaning up, Yuzu decided a relaxing bath would help calm her nerves. After rinsing herself off in the shower, she stepped into the tub only to hear the bathroom door open.

Some part of her already knew who it was, and yet she looked surprised. Mei—covered only by a thin towel wrapped around her body—stood there and all Yuzu could think was how beautiful she looked.

"Is it alright if I join you?"

Yuzu heard herself respond instantly, "S-sure."

She moved to one end of the tub to make room and kept her head low, but heard Mei slip inside with such grace. They kept their distance and barely glanced at one another. The entire time Yuzu's heart kept beating fast and sounded so loud she was worried Mei might be able to hear it. But Mei still kept her head turned away, which was weird. Part of Yuzu's mind was trying to rationalizing this. They were sisters, so what was the big deal. And the other part of her mind responded with, _You're both teenage girls. What teenage girls bathe together? Not to mention you're technically dating!_

The other side then responded with, _But couples who date share things. Probably even baths. So what's the big deal?_

_The big deal is, is...is..._

It was like a war was going on inside Yuzu's mind. She couldn't stick to one train of thought. She turned just slightly to see Mei, who was still focusing on the wall next to her.

_Well, since we're together like this then I'm going to observe Mei. Just like Shirapon-senpai._

Yuzu tried to be subtle as she slowly turned to take Mei in. But all Yuzu could think about was how beautiful Mei looked. Her smooth radiant skin, her silky black straight long hair, her purple gemlike eyes... Even when Mei shifted her gaze to her own knees and squeezed her arms, all Yuzu could take from that was that something was causing Mei to be tense.

_And that could be all kinds of things..._

As nervous as Yuzu was about everything, she hated that it had to be like this. She hated that the two couldn't just come out and say things or talk things out. And part of that problem was how Mei's personality was. She was more secure than a government vault. And yet despite all of this, Yuzu still had intense feelings and a special place in her heart for Mei.

Awkwardly, Yuzu said she was finished, stepped out and quickly grabbed the towel. She felt very self-conscious and hoped Mei didn't look up, although there was that one time Yuzu had seen Mei's natural bare form. The moment was still fresh in Yuzu's mind, of randomly talking about opening a letter Mei had received from her father. In actuality, Yuzu just wanted something to talk about and possible tease Mei with in a benign way. Never did Yuzu imagine Mei would react so strongly and not even care that she was exposing herself after being in the bath. This had proven to Yuzu the extreme issues Mei had with her father.

Yuzu quickly left to put on a fresh change of clothes and once feeling comfortable heard Mei come into the room with the same intentions. Yuzu quickly returned to the bathroom to brush and dry her hair. And now that it was late, turning in for the night seemed the only thing to do. When she returned to the room Mei was already on her side of the bed, either asleep or about to be.

Sleep alluded Yuzu and with the quiet of the night her mind seemed out of control. She didn't understand why all of this was happening. For a moment Yuzu began to wish for her old life back. Back when the most concerning issue was when she'd finally have a boyfriend or how to keep up with the latest styles. What she was dealing with now was far more than most teenage girls were used to. At least one like her. Yuzu did known of certain girls having to deal with pregnancies and whether or not to stay in school or if the boy in question would stay with them. It was something Yuzu had kept in mind for herself. She knew she wasn't ready for anything like that. At times just taking care of herself and her mother was a job in itself.

But that wasn't the issue here. This new life was unlike anything she could have imagined. Having these strange and intense feelings for someone—let alone her stepsister—then unsure of how to pursue a relationship and how to keep it a secret. Especially when part of her didn't want to. When Yuzu was out in public and saw couples together she always wanted to be seen in the same way. She wanted the entire world to know she had finally found someone and wasn't ashamed to express it with hand holding, a hug, or even a kiss.

_Not that I'm ashamed to feel this way towards Mei..._

Yuzu just wished things were different and yet not. Maybe stay as they are, but with no issue from society.

That was when tonight's dinner replayed in Yuzu's mind. What had Mei been thinking when she offered to feed Yuzu. Even if it was just one bite, their mother could have seen her. She may not have concluded that meant they had romantic feelings for each other, but Yuzu still wanted to keep things inconspicuous for both of their safety.

Yuzu suddenly felt Mei shift on her side of the bed and before really thinking heard herself speak. "Hey Mei. What's up with you today? Doing something like that in front of mama... Getting in the bath with me..."

Mei didn't respond right away and for a moment Yuzu thought Mei would ignore her. But then she completely turned to face Yuzu. "What do you think?"

"Well..." Yuzu realized this was another quality she wasn't fond of: deflection. Rather than answering questions, Mei always repeated them or changed the subject. Yuzu then quickly turned away, pulling a Mei move. "I have no idea. That's why I asked!"

Yuzu was so focused on waiting for an answer and partly expected to either get no response or a vague answer that she didn't notice Mei's arms were wrapped around her waist. Yuzu also felt more warm than usual and then realized what was happening.

_She's...she's actually...holding me!_

Yuzu couldn't believe what was happening. Yes, they had kissed several times and touched hands, but what was this? Why was this happening? Suddenly images of the first time meeting when Mei had probed her body for her cell phone flashed in her mind. The same sensations as before returned as well. Mei was touching her and those nerve sensations were sending signals into Yuzu's brain.

"So..." Mei's voice snapped Yuzu out of the dazed spell. "So I'm trying to figure it out."

Mei was now burying her face against Yuzu's back causing her heart to start racing again. And Yuzu knew Mei had to hear it, if not feel her heartbeat with her practically on top of her.

_No, not on top! No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant...she's so...close..._

Yuzu started to feel very self conscious and yet a part of her took a certain amount of pleasure from this. The synapses in her brain were going off like fireworks.

Suddenly Yuzu remembered...

She jolted up. "Oh! Oh that's right! The summer festival!" Since dinner Yuzu had completely forgot, which was funny since learning about the festival is what caused her mind to be in such a whirlwind. "Let's go and wear our yukata together! It's summer break, so we can wear our rings too!"

"That's right..." Mei's voice seemed to drop as if disappointed by something. But Yuzu didn't get a chance to ask. "I'm looking forward to it. Good night."

_Seriously? Would it kill her to show some enthusiasm?_

"G-good night," Yuzu heard herself say, as though it lacked any emotion...more like an automated response.

_She is sooooo not rubbing off on me!_ were Yuzu's thoughts before drifting to sleep.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter II

"Mei, I'm sorry... I know this was supposed to be our summer date..." Yuzu was really feeling guilty, but things hadn't gone as planned. As if that was a surprise. Nothing was going as Yuzu had planned. However, Matsuri—Yuzu's childhood friend—was the real instigator of all this. Even after what had happened before, that young girl still couldn't keep out of other people's personal business. One minute Yuzu was looking forward to an actual date with Mei and the next it turned into a girls group night out.

_Why do things always get so complicated? For once, I just want something to go as I plan out. Is that really too hard to ask for?_

"It's fine. Really, don't worry about it."

_And just like that Mei brushes it off like it's nothing._ Yuzu sighed as she decided to focuse on helping with Mei's silky straight black hair. "Okay, all done! Your hair always looks good down, but it looks nice _up_, as well!"

Yuzu turned away to check her own hair when she realized, "Oh! One more thing! Hang on just a sec." Yuzu searched through some things in one of the dresser drawers. "Time...for the most important piece..." Yuzu's arms hung down from Mei's neck holding a necklace with one of the rings Yuzu had bought for both of them acting like a charm. There was surprise on Mei's face.

"People might ask about the rings if they see them. But this way, we can wear them _discreetly_! You can hide it inside your yukata." Yuzu watched Mei's face from her reflection in the mirror. She was reaching up to her chest and Yuzu imagined taking her hand when her cell phone rang. Yuzu nearly jumped out of her skin by the interruption.

She quickly answered, "Hello? Oh, it's Harumin!"Yuzu's best friend since going to the new private all girls school.

Mei didn't recognize the reflection from the mirror. Whoever was standing there wasn't herself. At least...the not self she always knew. And that was all thanks to the girl standing close by fiddling with her hair. Mei never cared about fashion, let alone understood why so many girls fussed over it. There were far more important things in life. Appearances were important, but on a professional level. It was important to appear respectable, especially when out in public.

Yuzu was going on about how her hair always looked nice down, but in this instant put up was just as nice. Mei said nothing in reply. She didn't know how to take compliments that had to do with her appearance. Yuzu moved away only to stop from remembering something. Mei was still staring at her reflection. Then she saw Yuzu's arms enter her vision with a necklace in her hands. And it was then Mei saw it.

_The ring!_

Mei felt herself froze as she stared at the small piece of metal formed into a circular shape. Why was something so small and insignificant causing so much trouble for me? It was just a ring and didn't even hold the significance society had put upon it. Yuzu was clear. It was just a symbol that they'd acknowledged their feelings, which...

Mei remembered how this entire situation started and it had been nothing. Yuzu was the one who had read into all this. Mei had only been screwing with her mind once learning they were stepsisters after that first day of school. But at some point Mei had taken it too far, that much she acknowledged to herself and felt a little bad.

However, there had been moments where these _feelings_ had cropped up. Even she couldn't explain how or why she felt as she did. And even though Yuzu's personality was far from her liking, she still felt these strange moments of attraction. There had been a point where she was honest with Yuzu that as sisters they were being out of character. It should have ended then and there. But then she had seen Yuzu kissing another girl. Mei couldn't explain it then or now, but all that had gone through her mind in that moment was _How dare she! Yuzu is mine!_

And then logic stepped in. _Yuzu isn't yours. You're only stepsisters after all._

That kept playing over and over in her mind. But that night, it didn't seem to matter. Mei later realized that it was a knee jerk reaction. She had rejected Yuzu and then later seen Yuzu with another. No different than when she had seen her favorite bear charm given by her father in Yuzu's hands. A natural instinct had kicked in then too. Even though Yuzu was only helping in that instance, Mei had reacted.

Mei remembered the ring, now hidden under her yukata and strung around her neck. She placed a hand on her chest, touching the ring through the cloth. She felt self conscious wearing it and yet it was also a comfort. All of her life she had strived to be the best in order to gain approval from others. Her grandfather was somewhat easy to please, at least for her. Her father on the other hand...

Yuzu's phone rang and Mei saw her jump by the sound from the reflection of the mirror. Yuzu quickly answered and said aloud that it was her friend Harumi calling.

_And yet Yuzu calls her Harumin? Must be a nickname._

Mei returned to her previous thoughts due to the interruption.

Yuzu had helped initiate the vast gap between Mei's father and herself. And Mei was eternally grateful, even if she wasn't very vocal about that. Mei felt she shouldn't have to apologies for being herself. If Yuzu was really unhappy about it then she needed to set her sights on another. But Mei wondered if that was possible. Yuzu seemed easily distracted. Mei just didn't get that. Life went on. That's how she lived. Was anyone worth stopping your life? Was anyone worth changing it? And why or how could she change.

_And yet, I don't recognize myself in the mirror. Does this mean...I have changed?_

Mei remembered telling Yuzu that because her step-sister hadn't been kissed she knew very little. And yet, all that had happened between them Mei didn't have a clue either.

"Mei, it's time we head out," Yuzu called. "Harumin and the others are waiting for us."

"Alright," Mei called and took one last glance at her reflection before turning away.

Four others were waiting at the coordinated rendezvous: Harumi, Matsuir, Himeko, and Yuzu's new fan Nomura Nene. However, Yuzu insisted in excusing herself and ran off before Mei or the others could protest or question.

Mei moved to the side of the group and suddenly was aware of something clutching tightly to her arm. Himeko—her childhood friend and vice president of Aihara Academy. Of course, who else. Honestly, this was almost embarrassing how she had been acting. They weren't kids anymore and even back then it was somewhat annoying. But at least she and Yuzu weren't competing for Mei anymore!

Speaking of Yuzu, she wasn't gone for too long. Matsuri had been the one to first spot her along with another figure coming with her.

_So one more person is being added to the group. Interesting... I wonder why she didn't at least say something to me._

"Oh, there she is—!" Matsuri waved out to Yuzu and everyone seem to notice and quietly comment about the second person. "What took you two so long?"

"Sorry, I was just looking for my friend. Luckily, I found her!" The girl seemed to naturally blend in with the shadows, but once in brighter light Mei got a better look at her. She was very pretty, though had sad—if not estranged—eyes. Her dark green hair was thick and curled outward, slightly broader than her body.

"Everyone, this is Shiraho-senpai! She's a third-year student. We met in summer school," Yuzu introduced.

"Please to meet you," the young woman averted her gaze. And she was very much a woman. Mei thought it interesting how some girls appeared more mature physically than others. Although in terms of personality, Mei knew she had grown up faster than most her age. Mei only nodded in reply while everyone else expressed their greetings in their _individual_ ways.

It was then that Shiraho-senpai's gazed locked with Mei's, but only for a moment. It was then Mei realized the intensity in her dark green eyes. It almost caused a shiver to crawl up Mei's spine. There was something very different—if not disturbing—about this young woman.

_Have I seen this student before?_

"All right! Now that we're all here let's walk around and check out the stalls before the fireworks start," Harumi said, distracting Mei's thoughts.

As the group started to walk, somehow Yuzu and Mei ended up in the front and they both looked at one another. And their gazes did lock for several moments. Yuzu was smiling and Mei was about to reach out when a screech came out of nowhere. Not only did the group react, but others around them. Mei's mind was frozen as she looked all around her. Hemiko came out of nowhere and grabbed onto Mei, who was getting annoyed.

Yuzu turned away and moved towards Shiraho, whom she was address as Shirapon-senpai. Another nickname. And Mei learned it was this new girl who had been the source of the strange and potent scream.

_Why would she scream?_

The girl looked fine and wasn't be attacked. And there was nothing frightful anywhere near them. But that faded away as Mei realized Yuzu was a good distance behind herself and the rest of the group. She was still talking to that Shiraho girl. They were even getting a little physical, which was strange. It almost looked like they were hugging or holding each other.

Suddenly, Mei felt strange feelings arise. There was fear and possibly concern. And it was then she realized she had felt this before. When Matsuri had kissed Yuzu.

_Why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? Yuzu is interested in me, not anyone else. Right? What has happened to me? Why am I so...so...different!_

Her thoughts calmed down when Yuzu started heading towards Mei's direction. "Where did you go?"

"Sorry about that," Yuzu looked nervous for some reason. "Shirapon-senpai and I had something we needed to talk about."

_What about?_

"I see."

Yuzu continued to walk, but Mei didn't want her to go. She seemed to have little control in her actions. These _feelings_ were causing her to act strange. Mei reached out and was clutching to Yuzu's arm similar to how Himeko had always done. Suddenly, it didn't feel ridiculous. Or maybe it had to do with these _feelings_.

_I don't know why, but I just don't want to let go. I need Yuzu to support me..._

Yuzu suddenly stopped and then she felt warm, as if she was getting nervous about something. And then without warning Yuzu jolted out of Mei's clutch and dashed away.

_What? Yuzu! Why would you do that? Or maybe... do you not have these _feelings_ right now?_

Mei just stared at Yuzu and began to wish she was anywhere but here. She didn't even realize or feel Himeko grab onto her side until she tried to take a step forward. "Himeko, please... I can't move."

Mei barely was aware of what was going on for the next hour. She was with the group and participated in various activities, but her mind was a thousand miles away. And whenever she saw Yuzu or that Shiraho girl Mei felt even more disconnected. No matter how long and hard she thought about it, nothing seemed to make sense. Maybe it was just her. Maybe she was too...

_How would Yuzu put it?_

Not upfront about things. But again, Mei wasn't going to apologies for being who she was. If Yuzu didn't like it she had every right to find someone else. And maybe she would. Maybe that would be better for both of them. This situation had only caused more problems. Besides, Mei already was a somebody in this world and had a future all planned out for her. She would inherit the academy one day and her responsibilities would multiple.

"The fireworks are about to start," Mei heard Harumi say.

"Come on, this way president and vise-pres," Harumi had an odd sense of humor.

Mei followed, along with Himeko close by and without clutching her arm thanks to the excuse of feeling her blood circulation cuting off.

The fireworks show was loud and spectacular, as expected. But Mei felt nothing. Other than still wanting to be anyone other than here. She wasn't having as much enjoyment as she thought she would. She had agreed only because Yuzu had insisted and they were still working out their relationship. But it was too crowded.

Himeko invited Mei to go more towards the front, but she rejected the offer. Being close wouldn't help or make her feel differently.

Then Mei felt something tug her from behind. For a moment she thought Harumi had done it as a joke, but then another tug came. Mei turned and to her surprise she saw Yuzu. Part of her wanted to just turn back to the fireworks and ignore Yuzu. But she looked distressed and also held a finger to her lips. She didn't want the others to know. Mei decided to humor her.

They both slipped away from the crowd and continued walking until they were alone, partly surrounded by plants and trees. It was a different way of viewing the fireworks and it wasn't unpleasant.

"This should be a good spot for watching the fireworks. And it looks like we have it all to _ourselves_!" Yuzu agreed with Mei's thoughts without realizing.

Suddenly, all of Mei's recent thoughts and concerns seem to melt away. It was strange, but just being in Yuzu's presence did something to her.

_Why does Yuzu affect me so?_

Yuzu was fidgeting and kept glancing at Mei.

"I'm sorry for dragging you away from everyone like that. I just really wanted to watch the fireworks with you... They're really beautiful aren't they."

Now Mei felt completely calm and comfortable. And the thought of wanting to be anywhere but here had banished from her mind by Yuzu's words. "Yes, they are." And that was the truth. The view looked and felt much better than earlier with the rest of the group.

"I-I like having fun with everyone! But next year let's come together, just the _two_ of us," Yuzu managed to get out.

_Yuzu. How do you make me feel this way? And why? I _am _changing. And it's because of you..._

"Hey... Yuzu."

"Hm?"

Mei turned to face her. "Kiss me. Here."

"Huh?" Yuzu was gaping and Mei had no idea what that meant.

Is_ there something going on between her and that Shiraho girl? But I thought Yuzu just said... the two of us..._

"Right here! Someone might see us!"

_Is that really the reason?_

"Never mind," Mei turned away, sinking back into her previous thoughts she thought banished by Yuzu's comforting presence. "I should have known you'd say no."

"What?!" Yuzu seemed flustered now. "That's not fair O-of course I do...! Of course I want to kiss you! Idiot!"

_No you don't..._

Mei felt Yuzu grab her arm and force her to turn. From the motion their faces were on top of each other and Mei felt Yuzu's lips touch hers. They stayed this way for a good minute with the fireworks going off in the background. And even with her eyes closed she saw the flashes of bright lights. Those _feelings_ were creeping back up and Mei gave in.

And even when their lips parted they still kept their faces close and held one another. Yuzu then let go and turned away. "You wanna head back?"

_No, I don't..._

"Everyone's probably wondering where we are." Yuzu continued.

_I don't care about everyone else. I only want..._

Something strange was happening. The feelings weren't dying down. In fact, they were doing the opposite. Mei couldn't explain it, but she wanted more. She didn't know what that entailed. Was she wanting a longer kiss? A deeper kiss? Or... Did she want to touch Yuzu? Did she want Yuzu to touch her?

Back during Christmas break there had been a moment Mei thought they were going to a deeper level of their relationship. She remembered being _more direct_ as Matsuri had suggested. She remembered wanting to give Yuzu what Mei thought she had wanted. She remembered removing her blouse and leaning in close. She thought Yuzu would except her offer. But Yuzu had refused and that only confused the situation. Even more so when she had met those twins during a school trip: Sara and Nina.

But when Yuzu thought she was going to lose her chance with Mei, she fought hard. Harder than Mei had thought. Even when Mei played hard to get, Yuzu was persistent. But now... What was Yuzu doing? Tonight was supposed to be special. And even after what had happened they had found a private place and now all Yuzu could think about was going back to the others.

_Does Yuzu want me or not? Maybe she doesn't know. But right now, I want...more!_

Mei turned as Yuzu started to walk away. She reached out and tugged on Yuzu's yukata. She stopped, but only slightly turned back.

Mei looked directly into Yuzu's unique green-yellow eyes. "It's not enough!"

Yuzu looked horrified! She didn't say anything, but just kept staring.

Mei had no idea what this meant. She herself was starting to become filled with fear and apprehension. Then suddenly Yuzu started to run. "I... I'm gonna head back!"

_Wha...? How can you?_

Mei watched as Yuzu disappeared into the shadows. She placed her hand naturally on her chest and felt the ring. At that moment those _feelings_ turned to sadness, even regret. Mei started to question herself. She started to question her relationship with Yuzu. But as her mind whirled she couldn't figure out or understand why Yuzu had looked so petrified or why she had run.

_I don't understand. Why... Yuzu, why?_


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter III

_Crap, crap, crap!_

Yuzu slowed to a stop as she began to feel out of breath, although it wasn't just the running that was causing it. She gave herself a moment, but her mind was even more in a whirlwind than a few days ago.

"Does _not enough_, mean she wasn't satisfied? That must be it, right?"

That thought both confused and horrified Yuzu. This whole night had been unnerving, but this kicked it far out the window. How could Mei say something like that? I mean, Mei, of all people. The calm, strict, and collected person she is.

"_It isn't enough!"_

Yuzu felt a shiver run up her spine.

"That means a kiss isn't enough, right?"

Yuzu placed a hand over her mouth as her mind whirled at possibilities. And images she knew wouldn't easily disappear. Yuzu started to see all kinds of things. Was Mei wanting a longer or deeper kiss. Was she wanted to get physical?

Yuzu remembered very well that night at Christmas, when Mei had offered herself. She had half undressed and leaned in close. Yuzu remember holding onto Mei's face and staring into her purple gemlike eyes. In that one moment Yuzu thought it would really happen, but then she got scared. She was afraid that she herself wasn't ready, that Mei may not be ready for something like that. So many teenagers were pressured into situations like this, that Yuzu wanted to make sure it was for the right reasons.

"_I thought it was only fair I _give you_ what you want." _Mei had said.

_What I want? Shouldn't it be what _we _want?_

That was why Yuzu had turned down Mei's offer. And just like before when Mei had offered herself after learning her father would not be returning to the academy.

_Mei keeps making these decisions when she's the most emotional. When she's become vulnerable! And that _isn't_ what I want! How can she not see that!_

Yuzu realized that this had all happened—their entire relationship—was because Mei couldn't control herself when she was most emotional. At first it did seem like Mei was just screwing with her head, but then the words she had said... And the mixed signals of whether or not they had feelings for each other or not.

_This is too much! I don't know what to do! Mei, I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do!_

"_It isn't enough!"_

Yuzu collapsed, hands on her face feeling so conflicted.

"So the more you fall in love the more your desire grows! That's why Mei grabbed me in front of everyone."

_But it's worse. I do feel more as well. I do want to do more, but I just don't know how to go about it._

Yuzu looked up into the night sky cluttered with brilliantly bright stars.

_What should I do? How am I supposed to look Mei in the eye...? When my feelings are also growing._

Yuzu managed to get back on her feet and slowly walked on ahead.

"Yuzucchi!" She barely heard her name, let alone recognized it was Harumin calling. Once Yuzu got close enough she was able to pay more attention. "We were looking for you! Where did you go?"

Yuzu had no idea what to say, let alone explain. She obviously couldn't be honest, and that hurt on some level. Harumin had become such a close friend. Someone she could rely on. Yuzu wondered—and hoped—that one day she could talk to Harumin about this.

"The president and Shiraho-senpai are missing?" Harumin blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Have you seen them around Yuzucchi?"

It took several moments for this to register in Yuzu's mind.

_Shiraho-senpai is missing too?_

At that moment Yuzu's phone began to vibrate. Then the name of the caller appeared and Yuzu felt awkward for some reason.

"H-hello?" Yuzu answered.

"Ah, is this Yuzucchi?" Shirapon-senpai said. "I am with _Aiara Mei_ right now."

_Huh? With Mei? But why?_

"The two of us have something to discuss... So please tell everyone not to wait for us."

"Hey wait—" But Shirapon-senpai was gone.

Yuzu just stared at her phone, in shock and beginning to feel numb.

Mei and Shirapon-senpai... What could they possibly have to discuss?

_Ahhh. What is wrong with this night? It wasn't supposed to be this complicated. First our date turns into a girls group night out, then Mei's revelation, and now this? Why won't this night just end?_

Yuzu barely heard her name again. She turned and realized Matsuri was behind her.

_Matsuri! Why can't you respect me enough to give me some privacy while on the phone? Is that really too much to ask for?_

"Did senpai swoop in and take Mei-san home?"

"T-take her home?!"

_Wha? What is Matsuri playing at? I don't need this right now! I can barely think!_

_And of course not!_

"N-no, that's not it!" Yuzu quickly said.

Maturi seemed amused, but also wasn't keeping her thoughts to herself, which Yuzu really wished she'd do, right now! "I wonder... Senpai was staring at Mei-san the whooole night."

Yuzu started to feel uncomfortably warm.

"I bet right now she's investigating Mei, mind and body," Matsuri continued.

_Shirapon-senpai... investigating Mei's body?!_

Suddenly... Yuzu could see it! It wasn't just some vague image in her mind. She saw it like in a movie... Shirapon-senpai gazing upon Mei with her deep and intense eyes, as if mesmerized by Mei's beauty. "I've been watching you all this time. Longer than you could ever know." Yuzu imagining Shirapon-senpai inability to contain herself or her fascination for Mei. "I won't be satisfied until I've explored every last bit of you. You fascinate me in a way no one ever has."

Yuzu saw Shirapon-senpai reaching out and Mei accepting. Seeing Shirapon-senpai's hand touching Mei's chest from the opening of her yukata. Hearing Mei release a moan of pleasure.

"Yes. Yuzu isn't enough for me. So go ahead," Yuzu imagined Mei saying. "Yuzu has already rejected me at least twice. So do it. Have your way with me."

And the worst of it, the moment that would be like a hot dagger piercing Yuzu's heart was the image of Shirapon-senpai pulling Mei into her arms, embracing her. Holding her like Mei belonged to Shirapon-senpai and then planting a kiss which Mei offered no resistance too. But not just any kiss. A kiss of experience. Before Mei, Yuzu had no experience and told false tales of kissing boys and getting a little physical. Yuzu remembered Mei scolding and teasing her about how she had never been kissed and knew nothing about love or relationships.

The kiss Yuzu saw in her mind—the image that she couldn't banish or ever forget—was of the deepest kiss she could imagine. A deep kiss that Yuzu wished she could give to Mei. But now...

_No! There's no way. Shirapon-senpai wouldn't do that! I know her! Right? Do I really... her fascination with Mei. Isn't that the reason she became friends?_

"_I thought if I could get some information from a member of her family, then I might understand her better." _Shirapon-senpai had said.

Yuzu stared in shock.

_Has Shirapon-senpai been using me... only to get close to...Mei?!_

Yuzu reached out to a tree nearby for support as she struggled with her thoughts.

_And what's up with Mei saying I'm not enough?! By _not_ enough, she must mean _I'm_ not enough, right? I can't take this anymore! Why is this happening to me?_

Yuzu heard Harumin's voice, but couldn't understand what she was saying. Yuzu's thoughts were becoming like a hurricane, uncontrollable and crashing all throughout her entire being.

Yuzu started to feel exhausted. She also realized how late it was getting.

_When I get home, I'll just ask her about it. Yeah, once we talk things out it will clear up everything. I'm sure everything is fine. My imagination just got the better of me. I was already vulnerable. It would be natural to imagine the worst case scenario..._

Yuzu had first waited out in the living room, watching tv to help distract her mind, but then it got later and she started to get worried. Her mind started to imagine more horrifying images of Mei and Shirapon-senpai. One moment Yuzu told herself it wasn't true only to weaken and fear the worst.

Yuzu then went to her room—

_Our room..._

Yuzu started to reflect on the last year, of all the things she and Mei had experienced, specifically in this room. This was where it had all started. Mei forcing herself upon Yuzu to shut her up. Where they had slept together in the same bed. Where Yuzu had taken care of Mei during her fever. Where Mei confessed her feelings about her father and goals for the academy, only to give into her emotions and offer herself to Yuzu.

_And where I slapped her..._

Where Yuzu watched Mei finally open her father's letters without fear and a better understanding of him. Where Mei and Yuzu shared their first passionate kiss that scared them as well as thrilled them. Where Mei had told Yuzu that Matsuri needed her.

_And only for me to learn that Mei had been blackmailed by Matsuri and had almost gotten hurt if not violated by some sick stranger..._

Where Yuzu wrote that stupid guide book about how to fall in love with Mei and live happily ever after plan. Where I asked Mei on a date. Where I secretly measured her fingers so I could buy those rings. Where I offered her the rings...

_As a symbol of our relationship. A symbol that I loved her... And where she cried tears of sadness and joy... And where I held her in my arms as thanks for accepting the ring..._

Where Mei grabbed onto Yuzu while in bed and confessed she also was trying to figure things out.

Yuzu turned and looked across the room and thought, _And where we got ready to go out for this night..._

So much had happened in this room. So many emotions and feelings flooded this room that it was almost suffocating...tortuous...

_Why?_

Yuzu felt on the verge of tears.

"Hey, I'm home."

Yuzu quickly regained control over her emotions and faced the door. She was sitting on the bed to help herself relax.

"Welcome back, Mei," she said when Mei came into the room. Yuzu had changed, but for a moment she was lost in Mei's natural beauty. But she had her typical expression on her face. That could be good or bad. "It's awfully late. If you hadn't come back just now, I was going to start looking for you..."

"Shiraho-senpai was supposed to tell you that the two of us were leaving early," Mei sounded a little annoyed.

"Well she did, but..." Yuzu began to fiddle with her hands. "Um, about what happened at the fireworks... I'm sorry for...leaving in the middle of our conversation."

Mei was facing away and trying to undo her hair, with little success. "You don't have to apologize. I'm not bothered by it. Not anymore."

Yuzu's eyes widened in response and those images from earlier started to come back. She was using all of her strength to fight and beat them down.

_That doesn't necessarily mean _that's _what happened!_

"More importantly, can you help me with my hair?"

Yuzu exhaled, "Sure."

_Your heart isn't pounding, Mei? Do you feel nothing? You're the one who asked me to kiss you and then told me it wasn't enough. Or did you mean _I'm_ not enough...? I have to know, but you never just come out and say what you mean. Don't you know this is torture for me? Left all alone in this room where so many memories are suffocating me!_

Yuzu silently grumbled as she helped with Mei's hair while they sat on the bed.

"Hey Mei..." Yuzu tentatively began. "During the fireworks you said _it's not enough_."

"That..." Mei began to speak before Yuzu expected her too. "Has already been resolved."

It was happening all over again. Not just the attack of the images, but that hot dagger sensation piercing Yuzu's heart.

_How could she...?_

Yuzu fought the tears.

_Could they both have really—_

Yuzu couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed onto Mei, holding her tightly, and burying her face in Mei's back. Her yukata was so smooth and comforting to the touch.

_No! We haven't resolved anything!_

"Yuzu?!" And this time Yuzu actually felt Mei's heart beat.

"No."

"Wha—"

"I still want to talk about it." Yuzu said.

_I need to talk about it! Can't you understand that?_

"When you said it's not enough... I thought you meant the kiss," Yuzu managed to say. "And yeah, I got a little scared. But if it were with you, Mei..." She couldn't believe she was saying this, but holding onto Mei was giving her strength. "I think I could be okay doing something more."

Yuzu exhaled. "Mei. What do you think?"

Yuzu could feel Mei's heart beat and it was almost in sync with her own. And each beat was like a decade...

"For..." Mei seemed to be struggling as much as Yuzu, but was trying to hide it. "For now...kissing...is enough."

Yuzu stared, speechless.

Mei turned and gazed up at Yuzu. She leaned down and pressed her lips upon Mei. Then, Yuzu was going to lean back, but something came over her. All she could hear was Mei saying _it isn't enough_ over and over.

_Is Mei being honest or is she scared too? Is she hiding how she truly feels? Maybe she does want more..._

Yuzu was more than use to Mei's instant mood changes. But the next thing Yuzu knew she grabbed onto Mei's right hand and started to push her down on the bed. Mei protested in a moan and then cried out, "Hey, Yu—"

Mei managed to break the liplock. "Yuzu!" She started to fight Yuzu. "We kissed." Yuzu wasn't going to give up that easily. "We kissed, alright. We're done."

"It's not enough!" Yuzu found herself saying.

Mei's expression was a mixture of confusion and surprise.

Yuzu looked directly into Mei's beautiful purple eyes. "I've waited for you all day..."

_You should know that! Why did you think I wouldn't want to talk? You went off with someone else. What did you expect me to think!_

"So it's not enough!" Yuzu reiterated and with concern and passion.

Mei looked bewildered.

_Maybe she is afraid? Maybe this isn't the time. Maybe this isn't the right moment._

Yuzu started to concede. She could imagine it happening though. Of kissing deeply, getting physical, and experiencing something she could only dream about. It wouldn't be as hard as she thought. She knew how she felt, despite all of the issues. And she knew Mei felt similarly, even if she was giving mix signals. Mei had offered herself twice and obviously knew what that would have entailed. This wasn't about inability or desire. It had to do with fear. Fear of their relationship becoming known, to their mother, Mei's father and grandfather, the academy, and the world. And Yuzu realized that Mei wasn't ready for that. And that was okay. For some reason, Yuzu was okay with this.

_For now...at least..._

"If it's just kissing, then that's fine—right?"

"Yes...I suppose so," Mei replied.


End file.
